You know how sometimes you meet a new person, and you start talking small talk about your favorite novels and refrigerator brands and ways to off grandma and then they stupidly splurge that they like something you HATE, and suddenly you can't be their friend anymore?
I got to thinking of what criteria you must have to be on my best side:
1. Know of/have seen "Darkplace"
2. Don't understand the New Yorker
3. Universal health care!!!
4. "Oh, I've once stood in line outside a concert for X hours!"
5. You've seen "Pieces"? NO WAY. You're too good to be true!
6. Okay with peanut butter and cheese sandwiches
7. "Good news everyone!..."
9. This is funny. But not. But yes.
10. Swing dance
11. Spongebob band-aids
12. Oh sure, drunk Rock Band is a totally great birthday party idea!
13. "Do you know the number to heaven?"
If you don't fit the bill, take a short walk on a long pier. And then go on the ferris wheel because you're probably on the Santa Monica pier having a good time.